My fifth birthday is coming up in a few days. My parents said that between the time I turn 5 and the following New Year's, I have to find someone who'll take me as an apprentice... but I just don't know what I want to do. Maybe I'll be a queen!* Or a diplomat! I could be a hunter too, or a courier, or... hmm, I'll have to think about this.

I still haven't decided, but I have about a month left. Most of my friends already have some idea of what they want to be. I'm still clueless. My parents said I can't be a queen because I'm male, which really isn't fair. Oh, well. The courier can still take an apprentice, though I'm not sure there's much to learn about the way of being a courier. I don't think I want to be a sorcerer... magic is cool stuff, but our tribe's master sorcerer is a weird old hermit; he travels with us, but he hardly ever talks to anybody.

Apparently none of my friends liked magic so much that they'd be willing to learn the arts from the hermit. He's the only one left, so I guess I have to be a sorcerer now. I talked to my parents about it, and they said they were really proud of me for taking on such a difficult profession.

Oh, well. I suppose it's not so bad. I always wanted to know what that crystal ball was used for anyway.

Master Mogui says I have to choose a real name before he'll begin teaching me anything. It's a tradition, in case you don't know; every dolphin in the Mp Tribe is given a Greek letter for a name and is supposed to change it upon choosing a professon. The new name, of course, has to begin with whatever letter one was originally named with.

Master Mogui has given me three days to choose a name, so I can take some time to think about this... I think I'll be Emperor Mp.

Master Mogui says "Emperor" is a bad name because it could be seen as challenging the authority of Empress Nir.* I still have two days left to choose... maybe I could simply be Eros... or I might pick a cooler name... maybe a really long one, like Egnomikgrgelstrievpevich!

There's one day left... maybe I'll pick a Chinese name, like "E". Master Mogui liked it. He says it means "swan". I asked him what a swan was, but he doesn't know; he's never seen one either. They must be rare and fearsome beasts.

Last night I talked to my parents about my name. They didn't like "E", so they talked me into choosing "Euclid". Way to be unique; half the dolphins I know have picked Greek names. What makes this ridiculous is that I know at least three other dolphins in the local area who are named Euclid. Their names are Euclid Me, Euclid Xp, and Euclid Lh... and there are probably a lot more whom I don't know.

Today I asked Master Mogui what that crystal ball was for. He said he'd tell me when I'm older.

Today there was a huge thunderstorm passing through the area. Master Mogui showed me how to drain power from it. I managed to suck up a little lightning bolt, and now I don't know what to do with it. Master Mogui says I should try throwing it at a fish. I wasn't that hungry for fried fish, so I just hid the bolt by stuffing it into a sponge. I'll get it tomorrow.

Master Mogui still hasn't told me what that crystal ball is for.

My lightning bolt is gone and the sponge isn't moving anymore. Master Mogui told me not to worry; he says he'll teach me how to make my own lightning bolts next week. Maybe it'll involve that crystal ball.

After seven years of study, I've finished with my apprenticeship. Master Mogui is stepping down (he's going to be known as High Sorcerer Mogui from now on), and I'll become the master sorcerer. The ceremony will be held at midnight tonight.

Master Mogui still hasn't told me what that crystal ball is for.

I got into an argument with Queen Szfht about whether pirahnas should be approached from the right or the left. After about an hour of pointless debating, she got mad at me and yelled, "You know what? It's not easy being Queen! I'd like to see you try!"

I fail to see how that's related to killing pirahnas, and High Sorcerer Mogui didn't know either. He said, however, that Szfht was tired of ruling and that it would be honorable for me to take her place for a few years. He told me he'd take care of my duties while I ruled. I didn't feel like doing it, so I went to talk to her and say I wouldn't be the queen... instead, now I'm under her orders to be the queen until a suitable successor is chosen.

Oh, well. No complaints, really. I do remember wanting to be the queen when I was 5.

High Sorcerer Mogui has talked to Lady Szfht and me and informed us that I have to be a *king*, not a queen. I asked him what a king was, and he said a king was sorta like a queen, only male.

Lady Sfzht announced today that she'll never be queen again. It looks like I get to stay here.

The king's job is really boring.

The king's job is still really boring.

I've gotta find a way out of this. Help me!

Okay, I've got this all figured out. I'm organizing a checkers tournament among all the females. I've announced my promise to make the winner the new queen. I'll be out of here by the end of the week!

The tournament's gone smoothly so far. The final game will be played tomorrow, between Mistress Papaya and Mistress Avix. The latter is only three years old. She's sure to lose. It's just as well; according to Empress Nir's Code, the legal ruling age is 7, so if Avix were to win, I'd be stuck here for four more years.

Avix won. I'm doomed.